How to get married in the Catholic Church in 100 easy steps

I am not very religious, so a church wedding has never been my priority. I’m a so-called non-practicing Catholic.

My parents marriage is my dad’s second foray into the married life, so they were also not married in church. But turns out that my dad “made a face” when my mom suggested that I might not have a Catholic ceremony.

Turns out, the Catholic church is SUPER bureaucratic. It’s almost as if I’m dealing with a government office…

So the Boy and I went to our “pre-cana” orientation here in Arlington. There were about 40 other couples there. We left with a folder full of paper and paperwork we needed to complete:

-I need to have my paperwork (baptism, confirmation, etc.) sent from Brazil to the church in Arlington, VA
-Each of my parents need to sign an affidavit on my character, and have it notarized
-We each need to answer a questionnaire online, the results will be then sent to the Priest for analysis
-We need to either attend a day-long “Conference for the Engaged” or a weekend-long “Engaged Encounter”
-We then meet with the priest to discuss the results
-The priest needs to complete a “dispensation” for the Boy, seeing he is not Catholic
-The priest will send the information to the Diocese in Arlington
-The Diocese will then analyze it, and forward their recommendation to my church in Brazil
-The church will then send it to the Bishop for analysis, and hopefully approval.

After reading the descriptions of the “Conference for the Engaged” and the “Engaged Encounter” we actually chose the weekend-long one. We surprised ourselves in picking that one, but when we read the description, we thought it couldn’t hurt, and it might be a good process to go through whether you’re Catholic or not:

“An atmosphere is created for the two of you to concentrate exclusively on each other, free of the distractions, pressures and interruptions of daily living – a “time out” away from home, friends, and wedding preparations. There are no group dynamics or group therapy. It is a quiet weekend, specifically designed to give you the opportunity to talk honestly and intensively about your future together.

Among the subjects you will have an opportunity to discuss with each other are your ambitions, goals, attitudes about God, sex, money, children, family, and your role in the church and community. Personal reflection and couple discussion are the main focus of our weekend. Since each relationship is in a different place, your private answers will be unique and special to your relationship.

Engaged Encounter focuses on communication in your relationship. You will learn new tools for listening, writing and enhancing your communication with each other.”

(It couldn’t hurt, right?)

So far we checked most of those boxes on that list, having completed the Engaged Encounter a couple of weeks ago (and luckily there were no topics that we hadn't discussed!) and it was nice hanging out with the Boy not worrying about routine stuff. I definitely recommend it, even if there were awkward moments hearing the hosting couples talking about their sex life in details.

My baptismal certificate just arrived yesterday, so we need to give all the paperwork to the church and finally meet with the priest.

Now that most of the grunt work is done, I'm glad we eventually chose to get married in church. My parents picked an amazing location, a small church built in 1750 in downtown Rio.

Imagine how the pictures will look like in this place: