Did I really doubt myself?

So I'm admitting it here... I've had a major crush on a married guy. In my defense, I didn't know he was married at first. When I asked around a couple of months later and found out that he was, I still didn't really believe it. I mean it's not like he wore a ring.

Everyday at work, I look out for him, we chat. I hope I look pretty. He's fun. He's cute. He's my type.

Last week, I spent my whole lunch hour talking to him non-stop. He said he was leaving my work, but that he wants to keep in touch, he was going to send me an email. So he did. For one split second I actually wondered that if he was interested (not that he is or ever acted like he was, aside from some harmless flirting), and really was married, if I'd ever go through with it.

This has always been something I told myself no, no way, it goes against everything I believe in. (And I have rejected a married guy before.) But it's different when you meet someone you like, who you didn't know was married.

So he added me to one of the many networking sites out there. And I saw the pictures. Yep, definitely married. And though body-wise, his wife doesn't look too different from me, her face is gorgeous. In all their pictures she's beaming. They're both beaming. They're happy.

I keep seeing these guys with girls that look too boring, too plain, and I wonder what did he see in her. What made him pop the question when she seems so plain. And then you see young married couples all over the place, and it doesn't look like they're having fun with each other anymore. And how come I'm still single for so long? (and I'm neither boring nor plain looking...) This time was not one of them. I could see myself being friends with her. She seems awesome, I can see what he sees in her, just from her pictures. Which is great, because he is awesome too. They fit.

And I'm happy and relieved to see that it is clear that he's happy and she's happy, and I'll just be a friend -- with no other intentions, because whatever doubts I had about my own future actions, I don't have them any longer. I hope they continue to be happy. And I hope I can continue to be his friend, and maybe one day, their friend. Because they look like the coolest people to hang out with.