I'm going to be living with a boy!!!

Not for another couple of months anyway... But I go from being incredibly excited to completely scared of messing things up.

It won't be for another couple of months.
By the time it's official we'll be nearing 8 months together.
It won't be until after my parents come into town and he meets them.
And it won't be until after they leave back to Brazil.

Not that I need my parents approval of him. And not that I have a doubt in my mind that they will approve. But I do feel like it would be disrespectful of me to take such a big step with a man my parents have not met. I can wait until they visit, I am in no hurry. Neither is he.

I'm not scared that this is not right, that he is not the right person for me. Of that, I have no doubt. But I am terrified that it will be hard for me to adjust living with someone. That I will bicker, I will nag and I will resent.

I have been living by myself for 10 years. Never had a roommate. Never lived with anyone before. The last time I had to share a space with anyone, they were called my "parents" and my "brother" -- that's it. And I do not miss those days.

I own my place and cannot afford to sell it (unless I want to sell it for half what I owe -- not kidding here), and renting will not cover my costs, so he'll be moving into my abode. I have no issues making space for him. I have too much stuff anyway, and need to get rid of some of it whether he's around or not.

My fear is not being able to get out of the "mine" mindset. How do I go from being my apartment to ours? Specially, when, well, it IS mine.

How do I learn to share, to make space, to respect boundaries? To clean up after myself? Because now, if I leave a dirty dish in the sink, I will no longer be the only one who will have to live with it.

For the last few weeks, he has spent every night at my place. We go to his place once a week or so, but he has a drawer, a copy of my keys, his things are on my bathroom counter. I barely remember what it feels like to sleep by myself, and I don't miss it.

But making it permanent? Forever? Having assigned chores and responsibilities? Not having a space of mine to call my own? Eating every meal together?

It's exciting. It's terrifying.

The boy has always been against shacking up pre-marriage. But suddenly, he has changed his way of thinking to "if we know we're going to be together, why pay for two separate households when we can be saving that money for our future instead?"

I am broke. Everyone knows it. It got to the point that a friend not inviting me to her wedding caused more relief than grief, because I know I could not have afforded it. Paying half for my living expenses will make a huge difference for me. Maybe I can finally make a dent on those bills.

And I can't wait to come home to him every night. I just hope that weeks after he moves in, I am still the kind of person he wants to live with. That I am not so set in my ways that I cannot adapt.

And I hope that moving in together won't cause our talks of the future to stagnate with no progress in sight. We'll see...