Me: "See, I don't consider that dating, I consider this dating"
Him: "Well... (pause) I consider this a relationship with only one girl"
Fast forward one week...
Him: "You're much more committed than I am. I am not ready to be exclusive. It's not that I'm dating anyone else, but I'm not ready to just date one person and be in a relationship"
Me: *WTF??* "Uh, you see how I may have gotten the wrong idea when you said you didn't consider this dating but considered this a relationship with only one girl? And you call me sweetie and baby in every conversation and email? And you buy me roses when I go see you?"
Him: "Yeah, I can see how I am partially to blame for giving you the wrong idea."
What the fuck! Fucking men. This is a guy who did everything to chase me, and now, that he finally snagged me, he no longer feels the thrill of the chase. The challenge is gone, therefore the interest is gone.
WTF.
Now me? I am unable to say "So fuck off, get out of my life, I don't need to play these games." Instead, I burst into tears unable to understand when and why that shift happened. And what I did that cause his interest in me to change. Yes, he still wants to see me. But I can't kid myself and not realize it is just a matter of time until it is really over.
Next day? He calls me to make sure I'm ok after riding my bike back home in the rain. And talks to me for an hour. And though he doesn't call me baby or sweetie, he does act like nothing happened, and mentions seeing me this week, and starts sentences with "next time you come over". All as if nothing happened. As if my heart and hopes were not crushed 24 hours before.
But I have to keep reminding myself of what a very wise friend wrote to me yesterday: " I think his current intentions seem to be pretty clear, even if they're totally inconsistent with what he said before."
So I have to shake the dust off and move on. But somehow, I just can't let go.
We have a saying in Brazil that translates to "hope is the last thing to die." And that is so true. Oh, so true.
Because here I am still having hopes that maybe he'll like me again, even after being blatantly rejected by a too short, too chubby and balding guy.
If it was me giving advice to a friend in the same situation? I'd say, without hesitation: "Dump the loser, he doesn't deserve you!!" And that's exactly what all my friends have been telling me.
But why is it so hard for us to take the plunge when the situation pertains to us? Why is it that we are afraid of regret, afraid of being alone, afraid that we are not giving things a chance, even when there is no room left for a change?
Why can't I meet a good guy that will actually (I don't know, is it too much to ask?) like me back?
And why is it, that once again, I am crying for a guy that doesn't deserve me?
6/18/08
Crushed
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8 comments:
I want to punch him in his balding head for you, is what I want to do. It would be a simple F off and die, deal if he didn't have some redeaming quailities.... Damn him for not being 100% dousche bag. I'm sticking with the theory that he has multiple personality disorder.
You hear guys always say "why do girls like all the blatent Jack Asses"? Because at least with them we KNOW what we're getting, and there is none of this hopeful confusion.
See, I never fall for bad guys. I always had a thing for nice guys. ALWAYS. The problem is a lot of these nice guys turn out to be assholes later. I just don't have a good radar to screen the real nice guys from the ones that just act nice to hook you in...
Oh, I'm sorry. This is so painful. He's just not ready for you yet. I fully believe this. I've dated - and not been able to let go of - this kind of guy. Calls you all the sweet names, wants to do nice things for you, but doesn't want to have to commit, even if he's not necessarily seeing anyone else. Is it fear? Immaturity? Who knows, but it's not good for you. It's not that he doesn't recognize that you're great - he's just not there. I think yes, probably you should listen to your friends and move on. Doesn't mean it won't happen down the road. But right now, for whatever reason, he can't be what you want him to be.
Oh great. So the men in their late 20's are just as stupid as the younger ones.
Lisa -- thanks for the nice words :) His actions remain conflicting, as the way he is acting still show as if nothing changed -- as sweet as ever... So hard to let go and move on...
Myr -- sorry to break it to you, but he's on his mid-30's!!! You'd think by now he would know what he wants! Seems like men never change, ick!
ahahah oh geez.
Think of it as his loss. Which is obviously is by the sounds of it.
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend. Seriously. I know you'll do what you want, but I can honestly say that I think you should get out now, before it becomes even harder to.
I stuck around for far too long, because I wanted for him to go back to being the guy he was when we first met. But he never really was that guy - he was just in pursuit mode. The way he is now is the way he truly is, and he will not change. So, you can hurt a little now or hurt a lot later.
freckeldk -- no point in debating this now, since HE broke up with ME. Great.
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