Dumped

After being stood up on Thursday night (during my last night ever at my favorite bar of all time), with not much as a return to my phone call, I emailed the boy and asked if I had been dumped -- and that after a month I deserved a bit better notification than that.

Surprisingly, he actually replied, apologizing for the confusion (didn't know we had set plans -- BS, because we did), and again mentioned how he is not in a place in life to be in a committed relationship (let's ignore the fact that he is on his mid-30's), and he takes all blame for actually hurting me. This coming a couple of days after inviting me for a dinner with his coworkers, because he wanted me to meet his friends (fucking mixed signals).

I was out of town, however, camping here, so spent most of the weekend wondering whether I had been dumped, or if something actually happened to him.

When we talked on the phone, shortly after I read his email when I returned, he was not too friendly, but acting like nothing had happened. I inquired about the standing up part, he didn't even want to talk about it, wanted to hang up.

So I flat out asked "you have to make up your mind, do you want to continue seeing me, or should we end this now?"

Needless to say I got the answer I didn't want to hear "I don't want to see you anymore, this is not working out." And I'm left feeling that we didn't even give it a proper chance.

After bawling for a good hour, feeling like a loser, after all, I just got rejected by a guy who my friends all think I'm way above his league (now there's no hope left for me, is there?) one of my best friends came over and made a huge difference. I still shed some tears here and there, and there will probably be more to come. But after distracting myself a bit thanks to my friend, I can admit that we weren't right for each other when he went from Prince Charming to just your regular asshole within a short month.

I do miss how he made me feel special at first, and even after we had this conversation he was still making me feel great when he was around, still calling to see how I'm doing, still showing desire to spend time with me. Now again, I have a guy who I'm no longer seeing, who now has my parking pass. And I just want to get it over with, pick it up, so I have no other excuses to talk to him.

But you know what upsets me the most? In different circumstances, we could actually have been friends -- we have a lot of similar interests, and it's a shame that I won't have the biking & swimming partner I thought I had found.

Now I'm just back to being lonely. Again. Those phone calls at the end of the day to see how I was are over.