I used to hang out with tons of girls, got invited for girls-night-out, and could at a moment of sadness or loneliness, pick up the phone and call one of these friends when I was in need. I was a good confidant as well.
Somehow, in the last year, I went from having a lot of close friends, to having none. There was no fight, no arguments, no disagreements I can think of. They just drifted away, somehow, and to this day I am not sure how much responsibility I had in pushing them away.
But now, though they're still friends, they've become people I see/talk to every few weeks, sometimes months, instead of weekly or more often. Happy hours come and go, and I don't get invited to. Get togethers that I find out about through Facebook pictures.
And I don't get it. I can't think of anything that happened that made this group of people exclude me from their gathering. And I wish they would just tell me, because then, I wouldn't have had to spend months wondering what have I done. They still do things together, I'm just no longer one of "them".
If I have an argument with the Boy, I have no one I can call to vent. He has noticed this lack of close friends himself. I still have a lot of friends, I still know a LOT of people. I just don't have any close friends at all. The Boy is my best friend now, of course, but I miss having a close girlfriend, or a group of close girlfriends.
And I have no idea what I have done to push away the people I used to call my friends. They are an amazing group of people, who have known each other for years and have accepted me into their group, when I most needed good friends. The person that had originally connected me to them, will be returning to DC this month, and I wonder if that is the reason why I am being excluded -- they were good to me, but now the friend they have known for longer comes first, even if I never thought it was an issue.
Nights are spent awake wondering what happened. But after sleepless nights, I still can't come up with the answer.
I have met the most amazing man this year, but unfortunately cannot share my happiness with anyone but him.
8/12/09
In the need for girlfriends...
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8 comments:
Okay. We need to do lunch. PRONTO.
xoxo
I'm sorry to hear this, Darling :( I hate to mention it, but perhaps you (unknowingly) brushed them aside when you started dating your new wonderful man. We tend to take friends for granted when a new boy appears and makes us all excitey. I bring this up only b/c it happened to me recently - I was the friend of someone who met a new love interest. We used to talk daily and then it went to weekly. I stopped asking to get together b/c I was tired of hearing an excuse.
I don't know if this is your same situation or not, but there is an easy fix. Unfortunately, you're the one that has to do it! Organize a brunch or a girls night out. Friendships are resilient. You just need to take the initiative and then spending time together will smooth over any hurt feelings. Once you got that down, you just need to repeat at frequent intervals :)
Good luck!
LiLu, let's plan it!
prettylittletangents -- That's not it, since I've been dating him since January, but I started being excluded to things about a year ago.
sometimes i wish people had to "break up" with friends the way they do lovers. you know, drawing the line in the sand, giving a lameo excuse, etc.
because what's happened to you? is WRONG.
also, super jealous that you and lilu are lunching. if i don't check in to the looney bin, maybe i'll move to dc.
verybadcat -- totally agree! It would be easier than wondering "what did I do?" "did I actually do anything?"
Helped LiLu get a job in my company (got her in the door for testing, the rest was all her doing) -- we're now at 4 bloggers here. It's a big place though, so we rarely see each other!
Call them out on it! That's the best way to get to the bottom of it. And good luck. I hope it is just a misunderstanding...
I have no idea how I found your blog but I am glad I did.
I totally understood the loss of the girlfriends. In fact I currently have one. YES only one girlfriend. It is really sad.
And think hard about getting rid of all your stuff and replacing it with his. (speaks from experience)
Tyler -- calling them out on it at this point might be too late. At first, I just thought everyone was busy, months later, I realize that it was not the case...
Jody -- I'm taking his couches, getting rid of mine. The bookcase and dining set was a joint purchase, that I had been eyeing for months now, and he agreed to pay for half of it. The rest of the stuff in my place is staying, the stuff I'm getting rid of is more like housecleaning -- I do have a ridiculous number of things/clothes/shoes, that I don't really need. I started the cleaning before I met him, but never finished since I then had no time. Now I need to finish to make space.
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