Goodnight, sweetie

"Goodnight, sweetie" was the last thing he said when we went to sleep and followed that with a soft kiss on my forehead. No need to say it if he didn't mean it, it's not like he was trying to get me into bed. This was said post-coital, so I was already in bed.

Way before we got down to business he had asked about my knee, the one I banged up playing volleyball that week and had mentioned to him over the phone. Since I was wearing jeans as we had unusually rainy cold weather, I lifted the leg up and showed him the damage. He proceeded to kiss the scab and then the bruises.

So he was sweet. Very sweet. You'd even think he liked me. It's not surprising that I thought that too. In the morning, before he left my apartment (because somehow he manages to go to work even before I do) he did what he always does -- got dressed, put his shoes back on in the living room (which is where they always ended up anyway), then right before leaving my place he'd come back to the bedroom, jump on the bed and give me a big kiss "hmmmm, have a good day"

This was a week ago. I haven't heard from him since then.

What is it with men, showing extra affection when they don't mean it? Don't they assume that we'll actually believe their actions? Why make the effort when they don't plan on ever seeing you again?

Of course I can't help thinking "is it something I did?" "is it something I said?" "am I bad in bed?" "too fat?" "too old?"

How dare him, 4 years my junior, reject me? This is the guy I referred to "chubby guy" when we first met. Chubby guy is rejecting me? And he's only 24. The last time I dated a guy his age I was 20! True that he's not really chubby, so technically, I'm not being rejected by a chubby guy. But that doesn't make me feel any better.

And I officially gave up on him last Friday night, after his silence confirmed that I wouldn't be seeing him over the weekend. Again. I was determined to break things off. We always ended up going out to dinner, then back to my place, figured at dinner I'd break the news. I can't break it off over the phone, that's just too cowardly (and come on, I admit I want to see his reaction too!), plus he still has my parking pass, so either way I'd have to see him. I was ready.

Except he never called. Never asked me for dinner or to see me again, and the whole speech I had rehearsed in my head was in vain. I don't even know if I will in fact ever hear from him again.

And of course, I'll have to cave in and call him, asking for my parking pass back. The pass is totally irreplaceable, as I'm not supposed to have an extra one to begin with.

But of course I deleted his number days ago from my phone. Am I really going to have to resort sending him a message through myspace to ask for my pass back?

"Goodnight, sweetie" -- Hmpft! If only.