Family

So we all think we have a normal family, don't we? But sometimes I catch myself, surprised again, that my family, despite being common, is unusual, as I don't have one friend with a family similar to mine.

I have many friends with parents that are still married, many with divorced parents. My parents are still married after 30 or so years. They still hold hands when we all go out (yes, as teens my brother & I cringed many times when we had to be out in public with our parents holding hands). They still make each other laugh.

But you know the cliché, when the divorced dad goes off and marries another woman 20 years his junior? Yep, that's what happened to my family. Except that woman, the one much younger than the divorced dad, happens to be my mom.

There was no cheating, or any funny business of the sort. When my parents met my dad was already divorced. But that was back in the 70's, when at least in Brazil, getting divorced was still a taboo. My mom marrying a divorced man, 18 years older than her, freaked out the family. But it wasn't the age difference that caused such an uproar -- it was the fact that she was marrying a divorcée.

My grandmother who always considered herself "modern" for her age turned against her. My mom's older brother gave her the silence treatment for months. My grandfather didn't get too bothered, and despite being conservative, accepted the situation pretty well. My aunt, who was the first one who found out that my mom was secretly seeing my dad, didn't give much of a crap that he was divorced, older, or anything.

Of course, that was years ago. Nowadays, my grandmother spoils my dad rotten anytime they're over their place "do you want juice? Soda? Water? Wine? Something to eat? I can make you something. No sit down, I'll get it." Maybe it's the fact that they gave her more grandchildren? My mom's older brother now is also my dad's buddy. But I can't even imagine how hard it was, that first year, after the family found out that my mom was dating a divorcée, and when my dad finally came in the house to meet the parents (he was apparently incredibly nervous).

My dad's first wife still hates my mom. She never remarried, and my dad still pays her alimony. My sister, who hated my mom at first, now considers her one of her best friends. My older brother never got bothered by the situation, and always got along with her.

When I refer to either of them, I never say "my half-sister/brother" but just as "my sister", or "my brother" instead. Though we have different mothers, they're my siblings regardless. We didn't grow up in the same house, but that doesn't make much difference for any of us. I have four nephews because of them, and I consider them the same as I would if my baby brother (knock on wood, he's too young) gave me a nephew as well.

People always get shocked when I refer to my sister, and then mention how she's almost 20 years older than I am, then I have to explain "same dad, different moms -- my dad was married before he married my mom." Or when I mention that my oldest nephew is almost 27.

I got my dad's blonde hair and pale skin, but the dark brown eyes from my mom's Portuguese/Spanish roots. My older brother got my dad's German features as he got some gorgeous green eyes. My younger brother ended up with dark hair and eyes, with a skin not as prone to burning as mine. But my sister, though still white, has her mother's darker skin, but with her dark curly hair, she certainly doesn't look like me. But somehow, taking us apart, putting each of us next to my dad, we all resemble him (my sister was unfortunate of inheriting his nose, however...).

16 years ago, when my sister's first kid was born, my brother in law, with his dark Spanish/Italian features, was shocked to see a blonde blue-eyed boy. He looked exactly the same as my dad's baby pictures. Today, though his hair is dark blonde, and his eyes waver between green and hazel, he looks the spitting image of my brother-in-law.

The funny thing is that in Brazil, all of us in one family looking somewhat different is the norm. Maybe to our immigrant roots, but being much more mixed than the US, features skip a generation then come out again (here's hoping for blue-eyed kids in the future!).

So in my family, the one I find normal, though once in a while being reminded that we're not the norm, we all look different, but at the end of the day, still resemble each other, still look the same.