Bad date

He had told me he was tired, so we didn't plan on going out. I went over his place, he said he wasn't feeling too great, his dinner ended up being toast (I really wasn't hungry, so I was fine not eating).

He didn't greet me with a kiss, but was very receptive when I greeted him with one. The beginning of the date had a lot of potential -- he was affectionate, happy to see me, and had a grin on his face.

Sometime, at some point, something shifted. Don't know when or why or how. But my affection wasn't returned, and it was the two of us, sitting quietly in front of the TV. When prompted about his weekend, he mentioned how his plans on Saturday involve dinner with some people then going to the cinema. My first thought was that "some people" sounded like a date.

At 10pm, I got officially kicked out -- that didn't bother me too much. I had told him to let me know when he wanted to go to sleep, he really was tired, after all, and I'm the one who has the day off tomorrow, so have no curfew tonight. What bothered me is that when I went to reach over for a goodbye kiss, I was met with a head turn and a peck on my cheek. WTF?

All our previous dates ended with me going home with a smile on my face -- even on the dates when I didn't know if I liked him, I still had a great time. This time, not so much. I am tired too, exhausted, to be honest. But I would never turn my head around on someone who I actually like enough, regardless of how beat I am.

Tuesday, he flies out of the country for a month. We had already made plans for lunch on Sunday. I'm not going to cancel those plans, but have a nagging feeling that it will be the last time I will see him.

I am, however, tempted to text a "Looks like you lost interest, let me know, and we don't have to bother going on Sunday" -- but I know the reason I want to send that is to receive a "no, not at all, I am interested" reply back. I am too afraid of getting a reply agreeing with it, and I am so not ready for that.

Today, was exactly one month since our first date. In one month I went from wondering if there would ever be sparks at all, to finding out that there are sparks everywhere, that I really like this guy, and when I was finally excited to have found someone that likes me back, having my rose-colored glasses removed and again getting a good dose of reality.

Now I wish I had never given him a chance after that first date after all, because the feeling of rejection is depressing (and gosh, isn't it worse when you feel rejected, but there's still that hope in the horizon that maybe you're all wrong??).

So much for looking forward to a great weekend...