Queen of Over Thinking

Yep, it's me. The queen of over thinking. I over think everything. My brain? Doesn't stop for one minute.

"What if?" "And if?" "Does this mean that?" "Does he?"

It is quite tiring, really. But I can't help it. I got no off button. I have a good enough filter that half the crap never leaves my mind so others don't think I'm completely nuts, but I know better, it's a non-stop wondering and worrying activity.

Of course, being single with no prospects I can focus that energy on work, on my (lack of) finances, on the state of mess in my apartment (looks like a bomb exploded in it. Seriously).

But as soon as I like someone, and as soon there are any signs that he might like me back, the self-doubt and over analyzing energy I have is completed targeted on that.

Yep, I am talking about Scottish guy. Because I sent him a text yesterday saying "is it totally weird that I'm already looking forward to Thursday?" his reply wasn't a "I'm looking forward to seeing you again too" but of more of a "can't make it on Thursday bc of a work thing, Friday ok?" I replied that sure, Friday works (and added some joke about having to wait another day or something). Never heard back.

Of course there are many ways to analyze this exchange. Most likely? He is not that much of a text person (which would be consistent to his behavior so far), he is to the point and that the conversation ended with my "Friday ok" text.

The way I see it? He is not looking forward to seeing me, otherwise he would have said it on his text, and I must have scared him on Sunday (I did say I liked him, and was going to miss him when he left for vacation next week), and I might not see him at all until he leaves, and what if I don't see him ever again? And is he no longer interested? Did I talk too much? Should I not contact him again and wait until I hear from him? Am I coming on too strong? Did my text scare him? Does he like me? I think he likes me when I'm around, but does he think about me when I'm not around? And does he just want a quick lay? Oh, but a guy who wants a quick lay wouldn't have waited 5 dates for a kiss, so that can't be it. But does he want something serious? He can't possibly want something serious if he thinks he might move again, right? He'll be gone for a month and he didn't say he was going to miss me. Wow, a whole month, so I just wait around? I keep meeting people? But we're obviously not exclusive, come on, all we've done is make out for a bit. But I really like him, and would like to see where this goes...

And it goes on and on and on like that. All day. ALL FREAKING DAY. The smile on my face yesterday morning has been replaced by a frown. My great mood is now a stressed out demeanor.

I am well aware that most women over think things. I just do way more than most women. It's unstoppable.

So until Friday, I'm left to ponder. And I'm sure on Friday there will be new questions forming. Of course, none of these questions exist when I'm with him -- then, I have no doubt that we're on the same page. But give me 5 minutes alone and I turn on the over thinking.

And that is WHY I can't wait until Friday. And I wish TODAY was Friday. And why the thought of waiting one more day secretly freaked me out. Not just because I miss him (sure I do, the smooching was good after all -- yay, sparks!), but mostly because I need to shut off my brain for a few hours.