OMG! It's 4 Days Away!

Last year I had a terrible time on my birthday.  Don't get me wrong -- the day in itself was good, my friends were great, I threw a party at home and it was a blast.

 

But I was turning 27, and for me that was my toughest birthday so far.  Why?  At 27 I was officially an adult.  I had made the transition from  mid-20's to late 20's.  Everyday that passed I'd be closer to 30, then I'd ever be again to 25.

 

And there I was, officially entering the late-20's and I had nothing figured out.  Nothing.  Broke, with a dead end job I hate, as single as it gets with no prospects on sight and fat.  I had nothing to show for my life.  Nothing.  I always thought that by the time I reached my late 20's I'd have things figured out.  A career, a steady relationship, no problems with money. 

 

When I graduated college I had my whole life ahead of me, and it was a bright future.  I had studied Finance & Investments at the financial capital of the world (and please don't confuse finance with accounting!).  Sure, I graduated in 2002 when there was a recession going and in NYC everyone and their dog was getting laid off.  Despite going in many interviews, the fact that I had no experience in Finance was working against me -- it was a harsh reality that getting great grades and graduating with honors meant nothing in the real world.  And I LOVED finance.  All those formulas, figuring out the time value of money, learning about stocks, options, bonds, analyzing stock market graphs and all those things?  Heaven.  Somehow the person that always hated math (despite being good at it), found something that she loved to do.

 

For nothing.

 

I had hope to start grad school right after graduating college as well.  But I couldn't afford it, so 5 years later, I still haven't even taken the GMAT.

 

Long story short, today I'm typing this here from the dead end job that I hate.  It barely pays my bills, but I'm not starving either, so I'm grateful for that.  But every morning getting up I dread coming in to work.  It makes me depressed and makes me (literally) physically sick (it's amazing how all the weird things I feel during the week -- stomach problems, fatigue, nausea -- vanish on weekends).  But since I'm on a visa, I gotta suck it up.

 

2007 started with so much hope.  This would be the year I'd find a new job.  I'd manage my money better (but after paying my bills, there isn't much left to manage!).  I'd meet a boy and fall in love again.  I was going to lose weight.

 

And now it's 4 days away to my next birthday.  I'm turning 28 and life is still at the exact same place as it was a year ago.  Nothing has changed.  Except I'm fatter.  Ah, and older of course.  Fatter and older...

 

So again, I'm dreading this brithday.  Yeah, I'm having a party next weekend, friends are coming over, it'll be fun.  But the truth is, I feel like there's nothing to celebrate.