Runners High?

I have a confession to make. One that might surprise you if you've been reading my posts for a while.

I hate running. HATE it.

When I'm biking, I enjoy the process, love the wind on my face, think it's one of the most pleasurable things in life.

When I'm playing volleyball, I love the game, I don't want it to end.

When I'm swimming, I'm relaxed, de-stressing, hearing just the water and my breathing and it's like therapy.

Running? It's like torture.

But... but... When it's over, and I'm done, it feels so so good, that I keep going back for more.

Some people get the runners high during their run, it pushes them through, it challenges them. I get it the second I stop running. That very second. Maybe it's an immense sense of relief that it's over, but it just feels so good.

It's only been a few months that I finally mastered the whole "conversational pace." Up until this summer, the only conversation I could do while running was in the form of a grunt. Then, I'm not sure exactly when or how, suddenly I could talk while running. And I talked for the whole hour. And I could talk when I ran 2 hours.

The talking is important, because it keeps me out of my head. I love running with a group, and the running group I started has so many incredible people, it's wonderful. I started the group in October of last year to work as a motivational tool. If there's people waiting for me, I have to make my way out there. And it works, save for injuries and sickness, I haven't missed a run since.

And since then, I have left the ipod at home, and run with no music. Turns out, I prefer running with no music. You hear the sounds of the trail, the people, the wind.

However, whether I have music or not, the only thing I keep thinking is "this is hard" "this sucks" "I'm tired" "why do I keep doing this to myself" "are we done yet?"

If I'm chitchatting, I'm talking about boys and life and other fun things. I get out of my head. My head is always telling me it's much easier to walk.

And you think that after running a half marathon, or damn, being conditioned enough that I can run 10 miles with no issues or soreness, that the short runs would be easier. But they're not. Because when you find a pace that you can sustain for 10 miles, you no longer run 4 miles at that pace. You run faster, so it's harder.

Very rarely I have a run that feels good during the run, usually I'm just telling myself "why do I do this to myself? This will be my last run/race."

And then, I complete that run for the day and think "wow, this was fun, I want to do it again!"

Which is why, after running the half marathon and promising to myself during the run that it was going to be my first and last half marathon, I got back home to DC and signed up for the half next year.

Because apparently I like doing something that challenges myself, my body.

Either that, or I'm just plain crazy.