Another one from match.com. This guy seemed pretty nice, many pictures on his profile, some really good, some bad, so it could go either way looks-wise. We emailed, we quickly talked on the phone to set up a date. Nothing to write home about, but good enough to be worth giving this guy a try.
We met at Cheesecake Factory in Clarendon, after he got lost for about one hour trying to get to the place. Since I had only been in DC for a few months, I couldn't help him with directions either, as it was my first time out in Clarendon (he's the one who picked the place to meet).
I killed time going into the shops while waiting for him to show up. He eventually called me, he had found his way, I met him in front of the restaurant. He wasn't bad looking, but not my type. Let's make the best of the night anyway, is always my motto.
We order dinner, he had the chicken, I had the salmon. He talks. He's a federal agent, loves his job, and loves his gun a bit too much. Every single story revolves around his gun. No stories of him actually using the gun, but stories like him having to bypass security on his way into a plane because even though he was going for vacation, he wanted to bring his gun with him. Do you have the gun on you now? "Of course, I never leave without my gun." It starts making me feel a bit uneasy. It's a bunch of stories of how he feels safe having his gun with him. Because you never know. (Again, no stories of the gun ever actually being needed.)
Sure, if he really is a federal agent, they must go through a battery of psychological tests before handing him a gun, right? I keep repeating this in my head. He's still excited about his gun. It's freaking me out a bit about how much he's excited about it. And he continues with it as in, let me really impress this girl and keep talking about my gun. Trying to compensate for something, are you?
Guns never impressed me. Having a dad in the military (4-star general on the Brazilian Air Force, thankyouverymuch), he obviously has a gun, my brother and I never cared much for it, though he showed it us a couple of times. He also has a sword -- now that always kicks ass. How many people have swords?? But guns, unless I'm the one shooting (now that I want to try!), blah. And I tell him that guns don't really impress me. He doesn't get the hint and keeps talking about his gun.
Anyway, dinner is over, we get the check. How much do I owe you? (My rule is that it's the girl obligation to ask, the guy's to refuse -- you're the one who asked me out, remember?) Anyway... "Uh, yours was a $1 more than mine, so give me x +$1" Really??? REALLY??? I don't do that with my friends, if the difference in prices are just a couple of bucks (and in this case, ONE buck), we just divide it evenly. Are you kidding me that you're asking me to pay a dollar more than you because my dinner was a dollar more expensive, because you don't want to pay an extra 50 cents over what you ordered?? Do you want to calculate how much tax and tip I owe extra based on that dollar?
So if all the "I love my gun" talks hadn't made me want to bolt, this one would have done it. This was a first.
Lucky me, we had parked on the same garage. So he walks me to my car. Then asks me out on another date. What??
Uh, well, actually I think we should be just friends. He very bitchily, pissed off, replies "Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, we're better off as friends, as in going out again as friends, I really didn't mean it on a "date" date." (yeah, that was totally what you meant, uh-huh) I see him angry and remember he's carrying his gun. I'm all smiles despite his angry state, get into my car, and just hope he didn't write my license plate number down to track me through the whatever system federal agents use.
He still called me a couple of times after that. I didn't pick up, and didn't call him back. He got the hint.
By the way, cheap asshole. Next time pay the extra 50 cents for your date's dinner (damn, pay the whole thing already), because maybe, just maybe, there will be a girl out there fascinated with your gun stories, but that $1 extra she has to pay for her dinner? Well, there won't be many girls who'll love that one...
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4 comments:
hahahahaha! Awesome. Every time he said "gun," I would have thought "penis." How could you not?
I thought the same thing! As in the guy is definitely compensating for a tiny weeny!
That sucks. Sounds like a jackass. Some guys just don't get the hint. Hopefully you will find someone better soon. At any rate your re-telling of this date was very entertaining so if nothing else you have a funny story.
Most of us single folk have been on bad blind dates. My worst one by far was, we'll call her "Keysha" and till this day I will never again let my brother set me up with women because of this incident. Guys have bad dates too and no not all of them are because we didn't 'score' and believe me when I say in this case, I was glad to go home alone and I sure as hell wasn't asking for a kiss!
I talked to Keysha on the phone and she sounded cute, said she was athletic with a great bod and seemed confident and well spoken. She likes to waterski and I like to surf so right away I am thinking this is someone who I could have a lot of fun with. So we agreed to meet for dinner. We meet at a Mexican place and I am impressed, physically Keysha is a cute slender but strong and voluptupous young black woman, 24 years old. She has weird buck teeth with a gap in the middle but otherwise she looks good so I ignore the teeth. Whatever, nobody is perfect and neither am I.
We sit and start talking and she immidiately dominates the conversation, talking about how she was a professional dancer but how people in that feild are so unfair. Then she talks about how she really wants to waterski professionally but people in the sport are racist and she would be at a disadvantage because she is black. She asks me if I ever surfed compentitively and when I say no she looks dissapointed and seems to ignore my saying "For me surfing is spiritual and a way to connect with nature" and it's clear Keysha isn't getting it and for her sports are all about winning. It seems like everything in life is either win or lose for her.
The conversation turns to my (many) tattoos and piercings and she asks why I have them and if I got them because I lack self esteem. Anyone who knows me would laugh at the thought of ME having confidence issues so I tell her no and attempt to explain to her that I simply appriciate art and she says something like "Well you don't have to get defensive." when I was merely trying to enlighten her.
So on and on she goes, mentioning several times how people are racist when the thought never crosses her mind that she is being prejudiced against the ink on my skin. All of this makes me really uncomfortable because she seems really angry at white people. I happen to be a white dude and blonde but I am a peace-loving, open minded gourmet chef who is the child of two hippies and I don't have a racist bone in my body. I explain to seemingly deaf ears that I have dated all kinds of women and race is a non-issue. I get the vibe that she really resents white people but that SHE is the racist in most situations and that people dislike her for being annoying and not for being black. So on the night drags with her talking and bragging up a storm about her dancing, her sports, her great education and I can hardly get a word in. She tells me she is diabetic and goes on a complaining tangent about that (as she is sipping a margarita) then tells me about her ex husband (ladies, dudes...don't do this on a first date!) and I tell her a joke and margarita comes shooting out her nose and some lands in my drink. She doesn't say sorry or anything and doesn't offer to get me another drink. Not being embarassed easily is good but being oblivious is bad.
I learn that she is 'between jobs' at the moment because her 'fuckhead boss' fired her (can't imagine why, maybe he was racist too) Keysha complains that her boss called her 'abrasive' then asks "Do I seem abrasive to you?" I manage to keep a straight face and say "I think everyone can be abrasive at times."
So I pay the check (which she has no problem with) and she doesn't offer to chip in. At this point I really didn't care, my ears were practically bleeding from her ranting and I had the pleasure of seeing her check her blood sugar at the table as she bitched about it. As if this date wasn't bad enough she gets me out to my car, hugs me, tries to plant a kiss on me and I turn my head letting her kiss my neck instead.
THEN she asked me if she could borrow 20$ and she will pay me back on our 'next' date..Yeah, as if..I give her the money just so she will go away. She called a few times and left messages on my voicemail. She seemed to think the date went great and wants to 'hang out sometime' but I think I will pass. Keysha, if you are reading this, no it's not because you are black, it's because you are annoying. Lose my number please. Sure she was a hottie but not all guys are after one thing and TRUST me when I say there was no WAY I'd have let her come home with me!
Hey Ted, I've met tons of people like that, but luckily never went out on a date with any of them!
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