Since everyone else is talking about it...

I see pictures of myself before I moved to the US (can't believe I thought I was fat back then! I had a nice flat stomach, that I used to show off!) and want to get my Brazilian body back. Proportionally I'm very fortunate. I have boobs, I have ass, I have thick legs. My waist is tiny in comparison to all, as the last place I put on weight is my stomach. When I was thinner (35lbs lighter when I lived in Brazil), I was thin, but still had curves. Things got ginormous with weight gain, of course, but the proportions are still there (which means I still have a relatively small waist).

I never liked the stick thin figure, so never aimed for that -- I like my curves. I like having thick, muscular legs and defined calves. Of course, I just want everything to shrink down to a smaller size, burn the fat that's hiding my muscular legs, but the proportions I'm ok with.

I tell people I want to lose another 25lbs, they look at me "Nooo, that's too much" they don't realize that 25lbs lost on me, won't look the same as 25lbs lost on another person. I gain proportionately, which means I lose proportionately. It doesn't all come down of one spot, so you can't really tell I'm losing that much.

I put on 20lbs last year, and I've lost 15 of those pounds since January. It took me losing 15lbs for anyone to even notice I had lost weight (and that's for both people who knew I was on a diet and for those who didn't know!). And we're not talking like I weighed 200lbs so obviously 15 wouldn't make a difference -- I don't weigh nearly that much, it's just that things come off evenly across my body. Gaining 20 lbs did not make me go up a size (though it was getting tighter), the same way that losing 15 is not making me go down a size (though now it fits less snug). 35lbs ago, I was 2 sizes smaller, so I was never skinny -- and will never be skinny -- I was just fit.

I wasted too much time growing up going on crazy diets. I've always been athletic, played tons of sports, and remember using our home gym and lifting weights back when I was 14. But growing up in Brazil, I wanted to look smaller like my friends did. I had a ridiculous goal of reaching 110 lbs, so despite being a little over 120 at the time, I tried every diet known to man in order to get to 110 lbs (the astronaut diet, the cabbage soup diet, the high protein diet, the only eat oatmeal for 3 days diet, the only have black coffee with half a toast for breakfast diet, etc), and I'd get to about 115, then gain it back again -- all that dieting really screwed up my metabolism, so all the dieting in the world does not help me lose weight, I have to exercise. Luckily, I actually enjoy moving around!

I want to regain my Brazilian body -- but I'm old enough to have a sense of how my body really looks like (I have curves, deal with it), so it's a much more realistic goal.

I just started lifting weights again last year after about 5 years off, but now decided to give it up for a while. Who cares about having muscles if my fat & flab covers it up and no one can tell I even have them? So what if I'm all toned up under my flab? I still look like a couch potato... I am strong as is (you should see my volleyball serve!) so no need to make myself stronger now until I burn the actual fat and then I can work on toning up (and it's not like I'm not using my muscles when I do cardio, or swim, or bike, or play volleyball).

So I'm going to give a cardio-only routine a chance for the next month. The cardio/weights one didn't do much, I lost some of the weight I put on last year, but everything still jiggles with every step I take. So now I'm more on a burn-burn-burn frame of mind. Yeah, I know people burn more calories when they have muscles -- but I do have muscles, they're just hidden under the flab (seriously, I've had boyfriends who said how they liked how my body was soft at first touch then rock hard right under that softness -- yeah, I know, doesn't make me feel any better either).

After being a bum for almost two weeks as I could barely keep myself awake, yesterday I went back to the gym for my new all cardio routine. I get bored easily (soooo easily) so can't keep on doing the same thing for an hour, gotta mix things up. So 20 minutes on the treadmill (mostly running), 20 on the elliptical (I was "racing" the cute guy next to me, he didn't know, but I had to keep my rpm higher than his, it helped!), then 20 on the bike (about 7.5 miles). Then over to the volleyball courts where I played a couple of games of 4's, then it was over two hours of just playing doubles non-stop. Such a perfect day! I was exhausted by the end of it, of course. The incredibly hot weather didn't help (can you say dehydration?) But hoping I can keep this up until the end of the summer! The volleyball part is easy, the problem is heading to the gym before going to volleyball, as by the time I reach the courts I've cooled down and it takes a while to get to the swing of things and actually run after the ball and start playing good...